Well...The Fuckers Did It.

It took three seconds.

Trevor Hoffman's cutter dropping low and in to Rickie Weeks resulted in sorry flail of a swing and a third strike, setting off celebrations in Chicago and Cincinnati.

And in my neighborhood.

Within three seconds, I heard what sounded like four gunshots, at least twenty 'WOOOOO's and a bevy of helicopters took to the sky.

Within five minutes, the sirens started. 'Whoop-whoop's from prowlers howled while flying through stop signs on the way to Wrigleyville or wherever. The long and persistent wails of ambulances - screaming in the distance - followed and continued unabated for a half hour.

Within three seconds of the Padres' win, the local TV coverage began. I must confess, this was the part of the night I anticipated the most. Always one to take enormous pleasure in the haphazard nature of live, on-the-fly local news events, they didn't disappoint (Last year's New Year's Eve on ABC7 was a classic). NBC5 went immediately to the Cubby Bear where a reporter asked random women if they ever gave up on the Cubs. One response, with a sort of Proust-like bon mot, said, "WOOOO Nay, the Cubs are the BESTWOOOOOO!!!!!! ALL THE WAY, BABYWOOOOO!!!!"

The intrepid reporter moved on to a man next to the girl and, before a question could be asked, the guy pointed to the reporter and avered, "This guy's gay." And then said it again and again and again. Oh, and after a couple of minutes, jumped in front of the camera, said it again.

As expected, Clark and Addison turned into a zoo, most probably prompted by every TV station showing an empty corner on every TV in every bar within a ten block radius. It took longer than expected but it happened. The drunken hordes descended on that shithole of a stadium, bellowing WOOOOOOs all the way. Most didn't really do anything, except scream WOOOO!!! and jump up and down. They're Cub fans. It's what they do.

Back in 2003, it was a nearly identical scene, but something felt a bit more forced this time. Something felt off. Maybe it was the unfortunate timing of the clinch, happening at 10:10 pm on a Friday with all the late-night talk shows waiting to air. Maybe it was overshadowed by the historic collapse taking place at the same time in New York with the Mets losing to the Marlins, falling a game back in the East.

Or maybe it was the fact that the Cubs won one of the worst divisions in the last twenty years (though the title would go to the 1994 AL West, thank the strike for putting that horse out of its misery).

Here's a little ditty for ya:

CENTRAL	W	L	PCT	GB	EAST	CENT	WEST	INTR	RHP	LHP
x-Chicago Cubs	84	76	.525	-	15-21	44-33	17-18	8-4	65-52	19-24
Milwaukee	81	79	.506	3	16-17	43-36	14-19	8-7	53-56	28-23
St. Louis	76	84	.475	8	14-21	41-37	15-17	6-9	48-55	28-29
Cincinnati	71	89	.444	13	15-19	35-42	14-17	7-11	48-54	23-35
Houston	71	89	.444	13	11-18	35-44	16-18	9-9	50-66	21-23
Pittsburgh	68	92	.425	16	13-18	36-42	14-22	5-10	45-67	23-25

Check out every team's record outside of the division against other NL teams - NOT ONE WINNING RECORD!

It's cute they won the division. I don't hate the Cubs anymore. In fact, I wanted them to win. It's hard not to root for this team. Good for them. But that pitching with El Loco out front only begs for disappointment. And who's the third pitcher? Hill?

World Series prediction: Red Sox vs. Phillies. Phillies in seven.

More in-depth predictions and a reflection on pre-season predictions to come.