Well...The Fuckers Did It.

It took three seconds.

Trevor Hoffman's cutter dropping low and in to Rickie Weeks resulted in sorry flail of a swing and a third strike, setting off celebrations in Chicago and Cincinnati.

And in my neighborhood.

Within three seconds, I heard what sounded like four gunshots, at least twenty 'WOOOOO's and a bevy of helicopters took to the sky.

Within five minutes, the sirens started. 'Whoop-whoop's from prowlers howled while flying through stop signs on the way to Wrigleyville or wherever. The long and persistent wails of ambulances - screaming in the distance - followed and continued unabated for a half hour.

Within three seconds of the Padres' win, the local TV coverage began. I must confess, this was the part of the night I anticipated the most. Always one to take enormous pleasure in the haphazard nature of live, on-the-fly local news events, they didn't disappoint (Last year's New Year's Eve on ABC7 was a classic). NBC5 went immediately to the Cubby Bear where a reporter asked random women if they ever gave up on the Cubs. One response, with a sort of Proust-like bon mot, said, "WOOOO Nay, the Cubs are the BESTWOOOOOO!!!!!! ALL THE WAY, BABYWOOOOO!!!!"

The intrepid reporter moved on to a man next to the girl and, before a question could be asked, the guy pointed to the reporter and avered, "This guy's gay." And then said it again and again and again. Oh, and after a couple of minutes, jumped in front of the camera, said it again.

As expected, Clark and Addison turned into a zoo, most probably prompted by every TV station showing an empty corner on every TV in every bar within a ten block radius. It took longer than expected but it happened. The drunken hordes descended on that shithole of a stadium, bellowing WOOOOOOs all the way. Most didn't really do anything, except scream WOOOO!!! and jump up and down. They're Cub fans. It's what they do.

Back in 2003, it was a nearly identical scene, but something felt a bit more forced this time. Something felt off. Maybe it was the unfortunate timing of the clinch, happening at 10:10 pm on a Friday with all the late-night talk shows waiting to air. Maybe it was overshadowed by the historic collapse taking place at the same time in New York with the Mets losing to the Marlins, falling a game back in the East.

Or maybe it was the fact that the Cubs won one of the worst divisions in the last twenty years (though the title would go to the 1994 AL West, thank the strike for putting that horse out of its misery).

Here's a little ditty for ya:

CENTRAL	W	L	PCT	GB	EAST	CENT	WEST	INTR	RHP	LHP
x-Chicago Cubs	84	76	.525	-	15-21	44-33	17-18	8-4	65-52	19-24
Milwaukee	81	79	.506	3	16-17	43-36	14-19	8-7	53-56	28-23
St. Louis	76	84	.475	8	14-21	41-37	15-17	6-9	48-55	28-29
Cincinnati	71	89	.444	13	15-19	35-42	14-17	7-11	48-54	23-35
Houston	71	89	.444	13	11-18	35-44	16-18	9-9	50-66	21-23
Pittsburgh	68	92	.425	16	13-18	36-42	14-22	5-10	45-67	23-25

Check out every team's record outside of the division against other NL teams - NOT ONE WINNING RECORD!

It's cute they won the division. I don't hate the Cubs anymore. In fact, I wanted them to win. It's hard not to root for this team. Good for them. But that pitching with El Loco out front only begs for disappointment. And who's the third pitcher? Hill?

World Series prediction: Red Sox vs. Phillies. Phillies in seven.

More in-depth predictions and a reflection on pre-season predictions to come.

The Big Ten Network just made millions of dollars with one blocked kick.

So the Michigan loss to Appalachian State is now old news.

After having to suffer through a deep chasm full of stupid these last six days with everyone attempting to one-up each other on their version of the biggest upset in the history of the world (I still say Thermoplyae), one thing is certain.

The Big Ten Network is laughing all the way to the bank.

It's no coincidence that Dish Network caved to BTN's demands less than a week after the 'historic' defeat. And in less than a week, Dish Network saw they were at a distinct competitive disadvantage w/r/t Directv. The channel will be offered on Dish Network's 'top 100' package starting immediately, then switched to 'top 100 plus' in early 2008.

And shockingly, Mediacom has begun new discussions with the BTN (see second half of story in previous link), something they said were dead just a day before the Michigan loss.

Comcast, always a friend of the people, resorted to this. If only they would have done it with a certain John Mackey flair.

Impossibly old landlords and radioactive swamp gas over Aurora (no sarcasm intended) aside, I never understood the trepidation over ditching cable in favor of the wonderful world of satellite. It's free to install, costs the same as cable, always is the first to get channels and keep them, has impeccable customer service and everything is streamlined, making me constantly say, "This is so cool!" Something I don't normally do. But I've beat that drum too long with little effect.

With BTN (without getting into exagerrated cost structures, dopey a la carte programming arguments, etc.), they played this superlatively smart from a business perspective. Ask for the top bundled rate (fuck, E! channel gets it) and if it doesn't pan out, just let the games go as sight unseen until, I don't know, Appalachian State beats Michigan, and cable subscribers can't see it. Sit back and let the phone ring off the hook at the Comcasts of the world. If BTN has to take a hit that first year, so be it. It's not like they don't have the money. And just wait until the basketball season.

They banked and will continue to bank on the superlatively stupid sports fan irate only after the fact. A bet I would take every time.

The NFL Network installed the same business model two years ago to mixed reviews and success. But just wait until they start to broadcast NFL regular season games later in the year and next season, when even more and bigger games are scheduled for broadcast earlier in the season. And again, it's not like they don't have the money.

To be profitable in the long term for both networks, they had to enter the game in a good place, not in a place where the first few years consist of constant haggling with cable companies in an attempt to get out of the sports channel tiers populated by stations catering to Buttfuck, Montana. Once you're there, good luck trying to get out.

Never one to make excuses for big corporations, in this case, it's their fucking property! Given the choice of potentially making oodles of money and potentially losing oodles of money, I personally choose the former. Almost every time. Just seems a smarter business choice. Maybe it's me.