What in the hell is a gully sucker?

Movie budgets raging out of control is an old tale. Cleopatra set the bar, with Waterworld upping the ante. Blowing enormous wads of cash in uniquely stupid ways has always been a Hollywood pastime.

But it is rare to see an itemized account sheet detailing where all the money went, mainly because no studio wants their dirty laundry laid out for all to see. Well, someone at the LA Times got their hands on the comprehensive budget for the 2005 action movie Sahara.

Chockablock with juicy nuggets, it's a delicious romp that almost makes you feel sorry for movie studio executives.

I've seen Sahara. It's bad. But not in an exclusively bad way. It's by-the-numbers with overtones of camp, treasure hunting silliness and a slight hint of African geopolitical commentary. In short, there's some stuff to like here. Not much, just some.

But as I watched it, I remember feeling that, as the movie progressed, it became a step-by-step manual on how a movie gets screwed up. More than any other movie in recent memory, I could feel where a writer was canned and a new one brought in, where the producers broke up the movie into sections and targeted different ones for different editors, when Penelope Cruz became pissed off about gratuitous ass and boob shots. Every behind-the-scenes misstep is palpable in the final cut.

Check out the article and then watch the movie. Not a bad way to blow two hours.

"Everyone here is now dumber for visiting Yahoo!"

Sometime last fall, Yahoo! revamped their home page. Some of the changes included embedded pop-up, rotation features and tabbed browsing within the page. Never one to take Yahoo! seriously as a news organization given it's use of wire services as the primary news-gathering apparatus, I nevertheless visit the site a few times a day. It's a quick read. Weather, mail and the top ten, up-to-date wire stories are all 'above the fold', as it were.

But a curious thing happened on the way to the forum. Over the last few months (after a silly experiment called 'The 9' failed as a front page tool), the top feature section went from a hodge-podge of serious news mingled with lighter items to extensive American Idol updates mingled with advice-giving. The embedded pop-up features also allowed Yahoo! to plug it more 'personal' items, to be rotated over a few hours, meant to add a more broad-based feel, euphemism for catering to the stupid.

It's no wonder Yahoo! has changed their focus. A recent scan of similarly old news items and their comment (Y! answers) count tell the story. 'Sanjaya advances' generated nearly 15,000 comments while a story on Iran's enrichment of uranium and it's possible weapon-grade status generated 32. I understand. It's a business. In the internet world, traffic count is everything.

American Idol silliness doesn't bother me. Don't watch it. Don't care, though it's nice to see viewership is down. What has become disturbing is the advice-giving.

Check out this little number from an asshat named David Wygant. If you're mildly annoyed/amused/amusingly annoyed by it, check out his archive. It's worth it. He covers the whole spectrum of dating advice; from the obvious to the idiotic to the downright assholish, as if men need any help being an asshole or an idiot or, most importantly, obvious.

It's clear that Lonely Hearts Clubs don't meet in restaurants anyone and have turned to the internet. Just look at eHarmony. But if traffic counts are any indicator of the relative seriousness people are taking Yahoo! Personals and especially David Wygant, thank God I'm married. For that and a thousand other reasons, I just couldn't take the dating world anymore.

Update: The Thick of It

ABC has picked up the Mitchell Hurwitz (Arrested Development)-produced comedy based on the superlatively hilarious BBC comedy The Thick of It. It's official, ready, done. Variety has updated the cast of the show. Here are the vitals:

The Thick of It (Sony Pictures TV)
Exec producers: Mitchell Hurwitz and Richard Day (writers), Paul Telegdy, Armando Iannucci
Cast: Christopher Guest, Rhea Deehorn, Oliver Platt, Michael McKean, John Michael Higgins, Alex Borstein, Wayne Wilderson
Logline: Office workers for a low-level congressman, based on a BBC format.

Holy crap in a handbag! If the show doesn't become a Christopher Guest vehicle and the writing dominates like the BBC version, this has the potential to be supremely funny. Guest's look of disbelief should be perfect.

Things I learned today from Hawk & DJ

DJ: The best slider in the last twenty five years was Paul Assenmacher's.

HAWK: The best base runner in the game is Rob Mackowiak.

HAWK: Grazy Sizemore is 'a gooood-lookin' guy. He's gooood-lookin'. Just a gooood-lookin' young man.

Rare form today.

Opening Day: Better than Christmas

Especially after the age of 30. No division in the National League is top-heavy and, when compared to the AL, has loads of pitching. Every team, expect the Nats, has a rotation to at least compete. On a team-by-team basis, there's more to like here than the American League. Yes. I said it. Although I'm a much bigger American League fan, the NL may provide much better baseball and much more excitement than the junior circuit this year.



NL WEST

The Dodgers' starting pitching coupled with their solid offense, speed and ridiculous depth will be too much for a strong but young division. Schmidt was topping out at 90 mph in spring training, a reason for concern but Lowe is always durable and if Penny rebounds from a brutal second half of 2006, this staff beats the Padres as the best in the division. With Garciaparra, Kent and Furcal, the team doctor should see a lot of business. But if mostly everyone stays healthy - always a big if - the Dodgers win the West, but...

The Padres' pitching is good. Chris Young had a breakout year last year and Greg Maddux will win 15 games, easy. Peavy is an enigma. He was pretty much awful in the second half of last year, not being able to locate his slider and walking everyone in sight. David Wells won't make 15 starts but Clay Hensley is underrated and sneaky good. The offense may be the problem. Bad. Watch Kevin Kouzmanoff, though. He may be better than David Wright. Everything will hinge on the pitching staff keeping the score low and close in order to hand off to Meredith and Hoffman, but...

The Rockies are good, good, good. Don't dismiss the pitching staff. With the humidor effect in Coors Field, Cook, Francis (terribly underrated), Lopez (dumped by the Orioles too early), and Josh Fogg (great spring training), the rotation is as solid as it has to be with this offense. Holliday and Atkins are bona-fide stars and if Helton returns to something resembling his former self, this is the best offense in the division. The addition of Taveras will be everything this team has been looking for if his hamstring holds up, but...

The Diamondbacks are only a year away from being silly good. Conor Jackson becomes an elite player this year and Stephen Drew is flat-out talented. Carlos Quentin will battle injuries all year but put up solid numbers in right and Chris Young, while a strikeout machine could approach 30/30. The pitching is iffy, though. Livian Hernandez is old, fat and bad and Randy Johnson isn't healthy yet. Brandon Webb is as good as it gets, but the whole staff may rest on the ability of Doug Davis being effective. If that happens, they might be decent but the pen is as brutal as they come, but...

No but. The Giants are old, old, old. Zito's contract may be the most ridiculous contract ever in baseball and that's a bold statement. He's changed his delivery and will have the advantage of seeing the league for the first time but his numbers have steadily declined over the last two years. According to the media, Matt Cain apparently is all that and a bag of chips. He's not. After that, the staff is populated with mediocrity and the bullpen is in worse shape. The offense is painfully mediocre, especially if Bonds plays less than 130 games. Durham will not duplicate last year's career numbers and attempting to replicate the glory days of Rich Aurilia in SF will end badly. Icky.

Predicted Order of Finish: Dodgers, Padres, Rockies, Diamondbacks, Giants

Players Who will have great years: Jeff Kent, Randy Wolf, Kevin Kouzmanoff, Greg Maddux, Atkins, Holliday, Taveras, Lopez, Jackson, Drew, Young

New Faces to become household names: Kouzmanoff, Clay Hensley, Andre Ethier, John Broxton, Terrmel Sledge, Chris Ianetta, Troy Tulowitzki, Ian Stewart


NL CENTRAL

The Cubs win it. With an offense like this and Derrek Lee healthy, nobody will put up more runs. The impending sale of the Cubs after the 2007 season was announced earlier today and I see something annoying magical happening this year. The pitching is average at best and that's all they will need. If Dempster approaches his '05 numbers, the bullpen is ridiculously good and that will make up for the rotation shakiness, but...

The Brewers are pretty good. A healthy Sheets makes this the best rotation in the division. Capuano, Suppan, Bush and Vargas are all above-average (well, maybe not Vargas) and the pen, if Cordero pitches like he did when he first came up with the Rangers, is good enough. The offense is young and loaded with gap hitters. Hardy, Weeks and Hall will be known by everyone by the end of the year and Prince Fielder has a year under his belt. Expect a big year, but...

The Cardinals have that whole World Series thing going on. The drive will be gone though, ala the White Sox, and they will sleepwalk through the season, competing early but dropping out of the race by late July. The rotation is just too iffy. Wainwright will be really good and Carpenter's one of the best in the game but Kip Wells and Bradon Looper? Ugh. The offense outside of Pujols is getting older (Encarnacion and Wilson?). If Rolen stays healthy and Chris Duncan get 550 abs, they could be okay. I don't expect much, but...

The Astros pitching is even more terrible. Outside of Oswalt and maybe, maybe Jason Jennings, the rest of the rotation is not good. Bad. The offense will hit a lot of home runs but this team is painfully slow and the defense may be the worst in baseball. They might be an active player at the trade deadline with Carlos Lee threatening to play for five teams in five years, but...

I want to like the Reds. The pitching isn't bad. Aaron Harang has some nasty stuff but Bronson Arroyo won't duplicate last year. I see Kirk Saarloos and Kyle Lohse being solid but the offense is fair to middling and injury-prone. If Griffey can play 140 games and Ryan Freel stays healthy and stays in center, he will be the breakout player in the NL Central. This is a bad, bad, bad bullpen with nobody even approaching a legitimate closer, but...

I want to like the Pirates as well. I like the strategy. Pitching. Pitching. Pitching. Watch to see how Nick Gorzelanny and Ian Snell progress. Both have live arms and incredible minor league numbers. If Zach Duke could pitch against the Cubs everyday, he'd be Cy Young. But he doesn't. Matt Capps is good and Torres is serviceable in the closer role until Capps is ready. The offense will be better than people think. Bay, LaRoche and Nady are a decent 3-4-5 and Chris Duffy could steal 60 bases this year if he learns to take a pitch. They're a year or two away.

Predicted Order of Finish: Cubs, Brewers, Cardinals, Astros, Reds, Pirates

Players who will have great years: D. Lee, Rich Hill, Matt Murton, Geoff Jenkins, Ben Sheets, Chris Duncan, Wainwright, Luke Scott, Morgan Ensberg, Chris Burke, Ryan Freel, Scott Hatteberg, Chris Duffy, Jose Bautista

New faces that will become household names: Hunter Pence, Chris Burke, Luke Scott, Homer Bailey, Chris Duffy, Brad Eldred


NL EAST

The Mets are good. Period. If they only had a rotation. If Pedro Martinez is back by late June - and back to being Pedro - the staff could be raised to mediocre. The offense is just silly good. If Moises Alou is healthy and gets 500 abs, this offense is the best in the majors and it's not even close. They'll win the division based solely on offense, but...

The Phillies have the pitching on paper that the Mets do not. Myers, Hamels, Garcia, Eaton and Moyer are all number two starters but the bullpen is merely good enough. Expect Ryan Howard to have a sophomore slump, as his swing seems to have a hitch just begging to be exploited. Utley is the best 2b in the majors right now and Shane Victorino, hitting second, will have a monster year. The bottom half of the lineup isn't anything to write home about but pitching makes up for everything, but...

The Braves are getting better. Expect Chuck James to approach 20 wins this year, as his stuff is just silly, and Tim Hudson seems to have solved his mechanics issues. The middle relief is crazy good setting up truck driver Bob Wickman. Offensively, they lack speed and swing and miss way too often. It's sort of feast-or-famine with this offense and I think they will miss Adam LaRoche with Scott Thorman still needing some seasoning, but...

The Marlins have a very good offense no matter how many predictions there have been w/r/t sophomore slumps. They are patient, hit for power and can run. The pitching is the big question mark with Josh Johnson out until after the All-Star break. Hitters seemed to have solved Dontrelle Willis last year while the rest of the rotation pitching a little over their ability. Sergio Mitre? Ricky Nolasco? That won't be duplicated. Look for Miguel Olivo and Josh Willingham to finally come into their own, but...

The Nationals will set the new standard for awful. A few Triple A rotations are better than this one and there was no excuse for not trading Soriano last year for pitching prospects. But I don't think their offense is as bad as people think. Ryan Church will have a huge year and Austin Kearns, finally given a stable situation, will really rake. Zimmerman's as good as advertised. But this pitching staff outside of Patterson (maybe) is just brutal. Expect 110 losses and some uniquely bad baseball.

Predicted Order of Finish: Mets, Phillies, Braves, Marlins, Nationals

Players who will have great years: Moises Alou, Carlos Delgado, Shane Victorino, Chase Utley, Jamie Moyer, Chipper Jones, Chuck James, Tim Hudson, Josh Willingham, Miguel Olivo, Felipe Loez, Austin Kearns, Ryan Church

New faces to become household names: Shane Victorino, Jeremy Hermida, Josh Willingham, Scott Thorman, Mike Pelfrey


Coming Soon: Playoff predictions. Thanks for reading.

MLB: Because My Opinion Matters, Damn It!

Not really, but Opening Day is here! In a year as wide-open as it's been in a decade, a few teams stand out as good, but none are superlative. Digging a little deeper into every team finds big holes on the good teams while findinga litte something to like from the bad teams (except for Nationals - ugh!).


AL WEST:

No division has teams with more imbalance than this one. The Angels have the best pitching in the majors from top to bottom but the offense will be suspect. Everything hinges on how all their young players hit, which is not an enviable position to be in. If they win the close games, they win the division, but...

The A's are in the division. I don't hate the A's, they're just annoying. Okay, I hate them. Bobby Crosby? Bobby Kielty? Dan Haren? This team is as annoyingly pesky as the Twins. If Harden's healthy and Haren, the media's pick as the next Sandy Koufax, is moderately good, they'll contend. The offense will live or die on how Shannon Stewart and Milton Bradley hit. If they overachieve, the race with the Angels will come down to the last two weeks, but...

The Rangers have an absolutely unbelievable offense. The last two years, they hung tough through mid-July. If they find a way to get something resembling a pitching staff - which they currently do not - and learn to play through the Texas heat, they could make it a race, but...

The Mariners have a way of ruining other teams' winning streaks by suddenly playing well, ala the Royals, in key series. As a team, they're brutal. This pitching staff is as bad as the Rangers and the offense is a patchwork of tweaky veterans who are slow and too whiffy. Ichiro will be dealt by July.

Predicted order of finish: Angels, A's, Rangers, Mariners

Players who will have great years: Garret Anderson, Howie Hendrick, John Lackey, Milton Bradley, Rich Harden, Hank Blalock, Ian Kinsler, Eric Gagne, Jose Guillen, Adrian Beltre, Horacio Ramirez

New faces to become household names: Howie Kendrick, Brandon Wood (July), Daric Barton (due to the Dan Johnson injury), Ian Kinsler



AL CENTRAL:

Everyone says this is the best division in baseball. Yeah, but...the Tigers, with the Kenny Rogers injury, suddenly have a very average pitching staff. Bonderman could have a breakout season but Verlander isn't as good as everyone thinks (DL-bound with tired arm by June). If Maroth is back from shoulder surgery, that bumps it up to decent. The offense is very good...and older. There are a lot of injuries waiting to happen in Ordoñez, Rodriguez and Sheffield. Their depth will save them, though and the Tigers win a close race, but...

The White Sox are hungry again. The inevitable drop-off happened last year and the mojo will return. Kenny Williams strategy of stockpiling 200-inning starters should pay off again. The top four are slightly above average but solid. Buehrle will bounce back, mainly because he's in a contract year, and Contreras finally has learned how to age and be effective. If the fifth spot delivers ten wins, this is the best staff in the division. The offense will be good if Uribe, Podsednik and Crede revert to their 2005 form and Thome stays healthy, but...

The Indians, the new media darling, are back in the mix. Their pitching is not as good as people hope them to be. Sabathia is tweaky and an underachiever and Westbrook will frustratingly up-and-down (except against the Sox). Lee's injured. Byrd and Sowers? Bad. The offense is the best in the division. Great balance and it got better, but...

The Royals have become a baseball team again. This prediction could be a year early but what the hell. By the end of the year, we will know who Ryan Shealy, Alex Gordon, Billy Butler and Luke Hudson is. If Mike Sweeney is healthy and provides some leadership to this team, the Royals finish just below .500 (and kill a few Sox winning streaks). The pitching is not as bad as predicted. Watch Greinke, Hudson and De La Rosa, but...

The Twins have some offense, though everyone had career years last season. Nick Punto? Michael Cuddyer? They come back down to earth. Mauer's great but a little too fragile. Morneau hit out of his gourd last year. And the pitching, oh, the pitching. Santana's the best in the game but, after that, it's ugly with Liriano out for the year. Any team relying on Sidney Ponson and Ramon Ortiz to support a staff is begging for a disaster. Bonser's only decent and Silva was batting practice last year.

Predict order of finish: Tigers, White Sox, Indians, Royals, Twins

Players who will have great years: Chris Shelton, Mike Maroth, Grady Sizemore, Josh Barfield, Joe Borowski, Scott Podsednik, Jon Garland, Ryan Shealy, Alex Gordon, Zach Greinke

New faces to be become household names: Cameron Maybin, Pat Neshek, Jon Danks, Josh Fields, the whole Royals team


AL EAST:

Toughest division in baseball, hands down. The Red Sox, along with the Angels, have the best pitching in baseball, top to bottom, now that Papelbon has moved back to the closer spot. Look for Beckett to improve after a year seeing the league and Matsuzaka looks as good as predicted, mainly because he doesn't walk anybody. Schilling's healthy and, if the fifth spot is at all productive, they coast through the season. The offense is a little tweaky but stacked with hitters. Look for Coco Crisp to return to form and Lugo to have a huge year in the leadoff spot, but...

The Yankees are the Yankees, though they miss the Wild Card and things just implode in the off-season. This is the definition of bad pitching. Carl Pavano is the opening-day starter? Enough said. Wang was just too lucky last year and returns to this dimension while Pettitte won't make 30 starts, which this team desperately needs. The offense will put up a lot of runs but they are aging, especially at key spots. This will be the year that things will finally be dismantled. A-Rod will be dealt at the trading deadline, but...

The Devil Rays will score a lot of runs this year. They are Yankee killers and seem to be learning how to play in the AL East. The pitching isn't that terrible. Kazmir is solid while Seo and Shields could be good. None of the five starters are just brutal (well, maybe Fossum) while the bullpen by mid-season should be settled down. Expect an early deal to solidify the pen. The offense has a lot to like, but lack a bona-fide big bat. What they lack in a 40 hr. guy, they make up for in speed and gap hitters, but...

The Orioles are loaded with guys looking to return to form. Mora, Huff, Roberts, Hernandez and, most of all, Tejada have disappointed to say the least in the last two years. They lack a Hafner-type as well to anchor the lineup but this pitching staff is bad, bad, bad. Bedard and Cabrera are feast-or-famine type pitchers. Jaret Wright's an enigma and Trachsel, while the consummate overachiever, is poised to finally blow up. It could get ugly, but...

The Blue Jays will be even uglier. This is a team that seems like they just can't be bothered with the notion of playing baseball everyday. The pitching, outside of Halladay, is average to bad and a little too tweaky (especially Burnett and Chacin). What will kill the Blue Jays will be middle relief. Setting up B.J. Ryan, the best closer in the game, is a vast wasteland of retreads and also-rans. Glaus, Thomas and Wells is as good a 3-4-5 in baseball but expect two of them to go down with injuries. When that happens, this team is brutal.

Predicted order of finish: Red Sox, Yankees, Devil Rays, Orioles, Blue Jays

Players who will have great years: Lugo, Jon Lester, Matsuzaka, Crisp, Kei Igawa, A-Rod, Delmon Young, Ty Wigginton, Rocco Baldelli, Nick Markakis, Melvin Mora, Chris Ray, Tomo Ohka, Alex Rios

New faces to become household names: Dustin Pedroia, Phillip Hughes, James Shields, Ben Zobrist, Delmon Young, B.J. Upton, Akinori Iwamura, Adam Lind, Nick Markakis


That's it. Coming tomorrow (or the next day - whenever I get to it): National League Preview