Conservative bloggers are about as useless as a marzipan dildo.

Late last week, the immigration bill was resuscitated from the dead with a border security and enforcement attachment totaling $4.4 billion used to placate the fence-sitters.

And the conservative bloggers have given a unifying 'you're dead to me' in the direction of Bush.

Weeeell, bully for you!

I'm no fan of Bush. But if there was ever one issue that he accidentally got right, it's the understanding that immigration reform is so terribly long overdue, it boggles the mind.

Let's look at a few of the conservative bloggers' spewings:

"This is akin to amnesty."

No. This is amnesty. And there's nothing wrong with that. Cautious estimates say there are 12 illegal immigrants in the U.S. right now. More aggressive estimates put the number closer to 15-18 million. By the sheer magnitude of the situation, something have to be done. And we can knock off the 'they broke the law' bullshit. Have some level of compassion for your fellow man, or at least fake it for the purposes of a sane argument.

Let's say you live in Guatemala, have a wife and four kids and make the equivalent of $5 a day. Schools are shit. Working conditions blow. You're dirt-ass poor. You have two choices. Stay in your stupid situation...or...pay a border jumper $3000 and go to the United States where you can make fifteen times your current wage, live and work in something resembling sanitary conditions and be able to provide for you and your brood in a way never even imagined before. Or you could do it the 'legal' way and put yourself on a waiting list for migration to the United States through the U.S. Embassy and wait EIGHT years (on average) to be processed.

No choice.

"The government did this in 1986 and it didn't work."

It was the definition of a half-ass effort and didn't address the unforeseen dramatic increase in immigration the country saw in the 90s.

If you want to see a real immigration problem, look to Europe, particularly France, England and Amsterdam. Aside from the xenophobic asshats (LePen, etc.), real concerns like housing shortages, strain on infrastructure and educational systems along with true language and cultural barriers that have created something resembling a caste system (see the Paris riots last year). When it comes to xenophobic remarks, much of the rhetoric coming from some of the bloggers mimics, word for word, some of LePen's campaign speeches.

The United States does not have anything close to these issues, at least not near to the extent Europe does. The absorption, over the last decade, of millions of legal and illegal immigrants has been amazingly successful. And quit using the word 'plague' to describe the situation.

"All these illegal immigrants put a strain on the U.S. economy."

Bullshit.

Dozens of studies have analyzed the impact and nearly every one has shown the economic impact to be so minimal that it could be filed under 'within the margin of error', and that is only taking into account the tangible, concrete numbers.

"The cheap labor depresses wages."

Strike two.

This only happens at the lowest end of the U.S. economy (unskilled workers) and much of the deficit is made up by the corresponding price reduction in consumer products. Any U.S. citizen complaining about lower wages has every possible access to further education that their supposed illegal immigrant 'competitors' do not. That excuse doesn't wash with me, flapjack.

"They put on a strain on the social services network."

And strike three.

A great portion of the illegal immigrant population ARE on the payroll, complete with all the corresponding federal, state and FICA taxes withdrawn, yet, because of the fear of being deported, many simply do not use any service that would create a paper trail or send up a red flag. The numbers from most studies find the impact on this issue just as marginal as the supposed wage depression.

There is a noted strain on emergency hospital care and clinics but this is only seen as something near a problem in three states - California, Texas and New York - where a full two-thirds of the illegal immigrant population is concentrated.

But Social Security, something Congress has decided to avoid addressing in any meaningful way for two decades now, may be saved by illegal immigrants. With the U.S. population aging, the influx of young immigrant workers on the books and paying taxes, the ratio of beneficiary to worker tips the scales in favor of solvency, at least in the short term (20 years).

"The guest worker program won't work and will create a depressed underclass."

What do we have now?

It's flawed, but not dangerously flawed and, in some ways, bold in the sense that it tries something in order to find what works and what doesn't. If anything, it's an attempt to formalize and document who is here and what are their skills. So what is the argument?


In my experience, conversations with people who against any immigration reform begins to reek of xenophobic asshattedness. Usually, they don't know any illegal immigrants, or worse, know only one who happens to be a raging asshole. Oodles more could be written here that gets into the details of such conservative (and liberal) silliness, but I don't have the energy.

$20 says it doesn't pass.